When trying to make a baby, visions of carefree romps in the sack and all around good times come to mind. For most people. When you've been trying to make a baby for a year and a half, visions of waiting rooms, blood tests and stirrups come to mind.
My husband and I were blessed with a healthy, delightful child 3 years ago. Now that healthy delightful child wants to know where his brother or sister are, because "all the other kids have one, why can`t I?"
If only one could procure a baby like shopping for Lego or a new bike. Go to the store, check out a few models, see which one is most compatible, take it home. But alas, babies are not Lego, and I cannot seem to get my hands or uterus on one.
After several months of testing, it has been determined my fallopian tubes are blocked. Both of 'em. No doing things half way for this gal, it's all or nothing.
So what does that mean now? Well currently I wallow in my own self pity, on the verge of tears at any moment. Someone looks at me sideways and I'm done for.
I have a pocket full of witty retorts for when a well meaning person says "So, when's your next one coming?" Seriously, if I have missed out on this years baby orders I am going to be pissed. But instead I say "Well that depends what day you ask me. Today, we're only having one." Something along the lines of my child is crazy, let's move along. He is crazy, but no more than your average three year old.
For now though, I wait for appointments to come to have my fate delivered. Spend time in waiting rooms where no one makes eye contact because we feel shame that our bits aren't working properly. Scour the internet for a solution (turns out a magic tea will cure all that ails me), try to not cry (at least in public), and enjoy the things I do have. A home, job, supportive family and friends. Now if only I didn't feel so alone.